Why Sloths Are A Menace To Society

I've noticed a disturbing trend among my acquaintances and, yes, even close friends. It's something you never think will happen to you. When good people look evil in the face, surely, surely, they will recognize it for what it is.

But they don't. They adore it. They insist that it's "harmless" and "sweet" and that I just "misunderstand" them. But the only counterargument they have are videos of demonic offspring bathing. That's not evidence!!! That's propaganda set forth by the sloth elders to desensitize humans to their true nature!

And that is why I must educate the world.

Exhibit A: When Sloths Attack

Still convinced he's harmless? Don't make him angry... you won't like him when he's angry.

Exhibit B: Kristen Bell's Emotional Sloth Torment

No creature on Earth was meant to produce such an extreme reaction. Clearly they possess the powers of evil to send Kristen Bell into this tormented emotional state.

Exhibit C: Only Dreams Now

You can't tell me this isn't terrifying.

Exhibit D: Horrible Uncanny Valley Syndrome

It looks human-shaped. EXCEPT FOR IT'S LONG SHARP CLAWS AND PLOTTING EYES.

I know what you're thinking... "But Anna, they move so slowly, surely they can't ever actually HURT anyone?"

And that, my friends, is what makes the sloths our most dangerous enemy. They've tricked us into thinking they don't stand a chance against us. Where you see laziness, I see dangerous animals biding their time and conserving their energy. They're waiting. But when the time is right, you can bet the sloth revolution won't be something that happens slowly.